The Frustration with People

This is going to seem loaded, but honestly, it has been one of the most taxing things to happen to me in 2019, and it only began in August.

I should have been blogging these past few months, but life happens and depression is a real bitch. If I’m being honest, I was well aware that I should be working on this blog but I still made the conscious decision to sit around and do nothing productive.

To save time and to ensure the anonmity of the assholes I’ve recently encountered, I’ll just use initials. To streamline this story, they all pretty much did the same bullshit so I’ll just lump it all together. MV, RS, WR, ZG have all played the game, and they played the game very well.

The 4 of them came into my life at an interesting time, and for lack of a better explanation they basically allowed me to pour myself out to them and never returned the fucking favor. I went out of my way to break my own comfort, to show empathy, compassion, and overall genuine respect as people. When it was high time to return the favor, nothing happened.

Fast forward from August

It’s the week of Thanksgiving. I have a few days off from work and I have two set plans with family, that’s it. In all of my other spare time I actually offer up my time to hang out with these people.

When you’re as lonely as I am, you would probably do what I did and skip out on all of the plans possible just to get the gratification from hanging out with people you’ve invested time and effort into.

My life these days consists of solitude. I wake up, go to work, head home, go to the gym, and then spend my nights at home alone. I talk to people at work, but the connections there aren’t real. If you’re a reader of this post and you think that that type of interaction counts as some sort of friendship and that it doesn’t count as solitude, you’re a fucking idiot and clearly have never experienced my situation.

I’m also going to call out the bullshit people will say… “but you could have called me and hung out with me.” lololololololol okay, so take yourself and put yourself back into the story at hand…

I put in so much effort with these people only to be stood up and left alone over the holiday. (If you’re the hero from before who wanted me to call you to hang out, you’re just as bad because you’re putting the work on me and you’re not being a real fucking friend by attempting to hang out with me.)

The moral of this story is that I shouldn’t invest my time and effort into people who don’t have the decency or respect to return the favor without being asked. It happened a few times from August of 2019 to December of 2019. I’m not quite sure I’ve learned my lesson, but the pure shock I’ve experienced from the most recent incidents was enough to wake me up to what was happening.