Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved

So many people who hear about my situation ask about my ex the most, and I figured it would worthwhile to dedicate a post about this specifically.

I don’t hate my ex-boyfriend. He’s my best friend, the person I lived with for a few years, and someone who knows the most about me. We didn’t stay together but I have no reason to hate him. At the end of the day, I don’t like the situation I’m in and I didn’t see my life turning out this way, but life will go on.

The only direction to move is forward.

I would be a horrible person if I suddenly wished bad things upon my ex. The decision to end our relationship was not mine, so logically if I didn’t want the relationship to end, I must not have any hate in my heart. I would assume the same for my now ex-boyfriend, but he has assured me that I did nothing wrong in the relationship. Of course, he could be lying to me, but I choose to be optimistic and that he wouldn’t lie to me. While the break was still fresh I remember asking him if it was something I did. Many times he would tell me the cliché response of “it wasn’t you, it was me.” For the longest time I didn’t believe him. Looking back on our entire relationship I know that there were things I could have done better, and areas that I could have improved. I could say the same for him. Months later, I finally just came to terms with the fact that the relationship was over and I am still trying to not rip into myself and find things I did wrong. Instead, I am looking at ways I can improve, in the event that I find someone else who wants to make a life with me.

Look at the success instead of the failure.

I beat myself up for months. He said I was great and that this decision to break up was probably one of the biggest mistakes of his life. As his former partner, it crushed me to hear him say those words. Instead of focusing on the bad, I have tried my hardest to focus on the good. It was because of my ex that I actually dedicated myself at the gym. He didn’t tell me to do it, he didn’t force me to go and he didn’t train me. I went to the gym to look good for him, and I reaped the benefits of personal fitness.

I can officially and wholeheartedly say that I wish nothing but the best for my ex-boyfriend. At the end of the day, I know how hard he has worked to get where he is today and it would be just as much of a failure on my end if he didn’t succeed after all we went through together.

For months we knew our time together was limited. Time progressed, we lived together and still made fun memories together. At the time of this posting, we are in the final countdown and our time together is extremely limited. My fears of falling apart the day I move out are heightened. I knew this breakup would be hard, but now that we are so close to the end, I cannot even imagine how life will turn out without him by my side. I’m sure we will still be friends after this, but it wont be the same knowing I wont see him after work.